Last night, I attended XA Chi Alpha as part of my routine schedule. My life is struggling and is at risk over temptation and lust that come from the world. I met Hendro two days ago and deep discussion about what I am working on over my feeling and mood. He helped a lot. It takes a while definitely. "Your life is growing up. That's about what you are being tested to believe Him or not." I made mistakes again and again. By self, people, and broken things I should haven't done. I was thinking about how am I just being a hypocrite who is working three faces at the same time. It is very clear! I feel can't defeat satan's temptation so I need Him to help me against satan.
Last night, I wasn't enthusiastic during the event, I wouldn't say I like the ice breaker time and it was bringing me out of the moments when I was studying at high school where we played games before the event was starting and they mocked me because I was the only Deaf person and I didn't know what should I do. It felt disrespectful and annoying. So, I always hate the games or the ice breaker time. I chose to listen to music and type "Dios, soy no gusto pero no tengo" (Spanish) / "God, I don't like but I haven't anything" on notes while waiting for the shirt ordered. Two people who God sent were just sending a shocking message, "Hey, sorry your shirt wasn't working well so you don't need to pay and you will get another design, that is free!" I was like, "Doesn't that He is just listening to me?" I was suddenly super glad to get something that God is really listening to me. God knew and caring me more than anyone I meet. I realize that my friends can be leaving me or just do not want to hang out with me because they have boundaries but God comes first and listens to me. He knows I always being alone and lonely. I ran to the window, said thankfully to Him aloudly, then I saw Him and He asked again, "Have patience, keep your commitment, trust God's timing, and keep praying. I'm here for you." It reminds me of Matthew 6: 34 and Isaiah 41: 10.
I almost lost my trust but He was restoring my trust through two people. I really want to commit to Him for the rest of my life. He is my partner. So, I'm saved by the Lord again. I really want to follow Him. Only Him, enough. Only Him, enough, and only Him, enough,
When the world wants to be followed, I say no and only follow Him. Just that's all. The world never is eternal and can in and out as quickly as time goes on, even if you are unrealized. God is eternal and has promised to have a better life and created by what He wants for me. Because Jesus Christ, I only Him, enough.
“Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."Matthew 7: 7-8
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